As foretold in the end times, a blue hedgehog movie will appear in the end of the year to corrupt the already-degenerating youth of 2019. That movie is called Sonic The Hedgehog, and its very first trailer debuts today.
The film stars James Marsden as a cop named Tom Wachowski who teams up with Sonic, voiced by Ben Schwartz. The main bad guy is Dr. Robotnik, played by Jim Carrey. Its tagline? “Every hero has a genesis,” an obvious play on words involving Sega’s console. It showcases Sonic with powers ala Quicksilver from X-Men: Days of Future Past.
Also, his rings can teleport people and he’s apparently from space.
Already this film has garnered an equal amount of likes and dislikes on its YouTube page at this point in writing. Frankly, I’m not surprised.
Here are our favourite comments on YouTube. We’ll add more as time goes by since this trailer is pretty fresh.
Even “Weird” Al Yankovic is in on the bashing.
I'm not sure how comfortable I am with them using a parody of "Amish Paradise" in the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer.
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) April 30, 2019
It’s a kid’s film based on an iconic video game license, so it’s got to pander to a particular crowd of new Sonic fans. Though to be fair:
- Why not make this animated or CGI and set in the already-rich Sonic lore created in comics and in the video game?
- Will he make out with a human girl like in Sonic ’06? Because that will traumatize a lot of people.
- What the hell is up with that dated Coolio trailer music? It fits just as well as Jim Carrey as a mad scientist in a film about a speedster hedgehog.
Sonic The Hedgehog will be out later this November. Bless you, SEGA and retro-gaming fans.