Worst Love/Sex Scenes

5. God Of War 3

God Of War 3 Remastered

Kratos might as well be the God Of Sex, considering how many women or goddesses that he’s slept with over the years. With the exception of the brilliant God Of War PS4 game, every God Of War title has a QTE sex mini-game. Sure, the good bits happen off-screen, but players can clearly hear the satisfied sensual moans of the girls he has sex with.

The machoness of Kratos is such that even Aphrodite herself is awed by how well-endowed he is down there. Such is his sexual prowess that even Aphrodite’s concubines get so turned on that they can’t help but go down on each other. Thank God we don’t see him getting frisky with any Nordic ladies or Valkyries yet.

4. Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3 was the first title that popularized the current modern formula of FPS sandbox gameplay for subsequent games like Far Cry 4, Far Cry 5, Far Cry New Dawn, and Far Cry Primal. Protagonist Jason Brody was a typical white saviour Tarzan-type, and what’s a Tarzan without his Jane?

At the very end of the game, players can partake in a first-person sex scene if they choose to kill their friends and side with the fanatical but sexy leader of the island, Citra Talugmai. In a twist of events, she stabs the player in the chest as part of a ritual sacrifice, but not before you actually gave your ‘seed’ to her.

Those who went with this ending immediately regretted killing their friends just to die while in the sack. It was definitely one of the most controversial endings for any Ubisoft game, and it remains infamous to this day.

3. Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy

Fahrenheit

The initial release of Fahrenheit or Indigo Prophecy for the Xbox and PS2 had its sex scenes removed in order to get past censors. However, the uncut version eventually came out for the PC version of the game. The game revolves around a murder mystery with sprinklings of the paranormal and supernatural, though it was too ambitious for its time. The graphics look pretty dated now.

The infamous sex scene takes place between protagonist Lucas and his girlfriend Tiffany. It’s just like one of those typical Hollywood romance movie situations where the guy plays the guitar and the girl gets so turned on that she immediately wants to jump his bones. This QTE sex scene feels so awkward and cringe-worthy, to say the least.

2. Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain is basically Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy, albeit with better graphics from a different game generation. It’s just as awkward and cringe-worthy.  In this sex scene, the audio and animation feel authentic, their kisses don’t ever really seem to land properly, which is always a problem with renders in games.

However, that’s not the weirdest thing about it. The most bizarre fact about this scene is the fact they picked the stained carpet of a dirty cheap hotel instead of the freaking bed just a metre away. It’s just another unbelievable detail in a scene that’s already so weird by itself.

1. Ride to Hell: Retribution

Ride To Hell Retribution

Ride to Hell: Retribution is a bad game. There’s no doubt about it. It even boasts one of the worst ratings on Metacritic with a score of 19 out of 100. The game that revolves around the biker movement of the 60s is so ridiculous that it’s more of a running joke by now. It features not one, but several sex scenes and even a full-blown orgy at the end. Fully-clothed.

Each encounter kicks off with a corny 70s porn soundtrack to indicate the imminent arrival of a sex scene, while each woman in the game comes with proportions that put comic book superheroines to shame. The sex scenes are so tasteless that I don’t know what went through the minds of the developers when they had to insert these into the game.


 

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