Holy mother of…

That was certainly a “movie”.

Madame Web is the latest film to be part of Sony’s Spider-Man Universe (SSU) after 2018’s Venom, 2021’s Venom Let There Be Carnage and 2022’s Morbius.

It’s Webbin’ Time

Where do I even begin? Madame Web is a mess. The camerawork is shoddy, with some scenes featuring awkward zooming-ins and zooming-outs like this is a low-budget movie. The movie is almost two hours but with the pacing as horrible as it is, the entire movie feels like it’s double that length. The worst part of it all is the action scenes, which are some of the worst and most uninspired I’ve seen in a superhero movie in recent times. Tahar Rahim gives such a bland and wooden performance as Ezekiel Sims that all the scenes with him drain all the fun out of the movie. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t have any proper motivation or backstory to be evil. It definitely feels like those 2000s superhero movies came calling for this one, but even those early 2000s superhero movies might feel ashamed to be associated with this movie.

In addition, I have to point out that the trailers are misleading as heck. While this may be considered a spoiler, I have to mention it considering how the Madame Web trailers are misleading viewers into thinking that the four main protagonists of the movie will suit up, use their powers and fight the villain together. That never happens. Seriously, all those scenes of the three Spider-Women suiting up and using their powers are part of a vision of the future by Dakota Johnson’s Cassandra ‘Cassie’ Webb. They never suit up or actually use their powers. It’s as if this movie is meant to be a prequel to a future hypothetical Spider-Women movie. So, if you want to watch Madame Web for some traditional “superhero action” of the Spider-Women fighting, none of that is actually in the movie, and for the purpose of this review, I’m being transparent with minor spoilers to avoid viewers from being misled, which is the lesser of two evils.

The only good thing (and I say “good” very sparingly) about Madame Web is the unintentionally funny parts of the movie, which can be meme material for the internet. Also, yes, it’s hard not to notice how attractive the main actresses are (which is why they were a huge part of the movie’s marketing push) but the highlights of the movie are Isabela Merced’s Anya Corazon and Celeste O’Connor’s Mattie Franklin, who seems like they’re at least trying to make it all work to the best of their ability. Dakota Johnson’s Cassandra ‘Cassie’ Webb and Sydney Sweeney’s Julia Cornwall are the opposite, as it feels like they know that they’re in a bad movie and they’re not willing to give more effort than what this movie deserves. They’re not to blame because who would when they’re in a movie like this?

All of my criticisms for Madame Web may seem harsh but it’s difficult to see this movie for nothing else but Sony Pictures’ half-hearted attempt to keep their rights to the Spider-Man IP at any cost. What’s so disappointing about Madame Web is that it had so much potential to be better than it is, especially if it had fully committed to its premise of Spider-Women banding together to fight a threat. What’s the point of relating the Madame Web movie to the Spider-Man IP when there’s no direct mention or reference to Spider-Man. Technically there are a few, including Adam Scott as a certain character but not even an actor of his calibre can save the script from being horrendous.

Somebody Save Me

Just like Morbius, Madame Web is a missed opportunity for Sony Pictures to produce something worth watching but they ultimately chose to release this shlock. A post-credits scene could have made the experience a bit more palatable by giving a strong finish, but nope, Madame Web doesn’t have any post-credits scenes, so don’t bother waiting after this movie ends. The only reason you could have for watching Madame Web is if you like movies that are so bad, they’re sometimes unintentionally funny. You know, something like 2006’s The Wicker Man or 2010’s Avatar The Last Airbender.

FINAL SCORE: 20/100

We attended a premiere screening of Madame Web courtesy of Sony Pictures Malaysia. Madame Web is slated to premiere in Malaysian cinemas on 15 February 2024.